catch/for/us/the/foxes

i dont write on this blog anymore.  i have another one.

emmacamilla.tumblr.com

im gonna try and write on here more often.  not that anyone reads this. its just a way for me to write and think as i write and then come back later to see what i was going through. we’ll see how long this lasts.

boys boys boys. when will it ever end?

i cant believe i didn’t write once while i was at school.  4 months without a word from myself on here. im not going to try and write about everything because i know that would be pointless.  i’ll just say this: it was an amazing semester.  it blew my mind.  exceeded my expectations.  so much happened. God moved in so many ways.  He worked on my heart.  taught me things.  convicted me of things.  showed me His love and His power. but now im home. i’ve been home for a month.  i leave again to go back to school in 18 days.  this break has been uneventful.  christmas came and went.  that was amazing.  my whole family was home and i honestly couldnt have asked for a better christmas.  but then they left.  my sisters went back to their prospective homes, and im still here.  still in my house.  still in my town.  i feel so far from God its scary.  i look back on previous entries that ive written and feel like crying becuase i want to get back to that place.  i still have the same hunger and thirst and desire for God, but I feel like He doesnt want me.  doesnt hear my prayers.  doesnt love me.  where is this coming from? i need Him so much.  its killing me how much i desire to feel His peace again.  my heart is and always will be His.  i just want to know that He still loves me.

Sooo, I leave on thursday for Maui.  Its coming way too quickly.  I have all the stuff I need, and Im physically prepared to go, but I dont know about emotionally or spiritually.  Actually, no, I take that back, Im pretty spiritually ready, but emotionally is a different story.  I had to say goodbye to all my friends that went to Mexico, because I leave while they are still gone.  That was probably the hardest for me.  I guess I feel like Im going to leave, and they’re going to come back home and be ultra close to each other, and kind of forget about me in a sense.  I wont be in town to physically hang out with them, and as much as you can text, relationships are hard not face to face.  Im worried about drifting away from them.  it sucks.  BUT! On the other hand, Im insanely excited about going to school and growing with God.  Im so excited to see whats going to happen !

India.  Im home and I dont think that I can put into words what that trip meant to me and what happened on it. there was  too much time on planes, and too many ghetto hotel rooms, but that trip changed me.  i hate to be ‘that’ girl that comes home from trips and talks about how changed she is and how much she hates America, but never does anything about it.  but i really was changed, and coming home made me truly realize how good we have it in america. i dont feel at home here. hmmm.

happy AMURIKA day! my sister is working at Old Navy today and she has a certain quota of shirts with flags on them that she has to sell. So awesome.

I leave for India in 48 hours.  AH.

“The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.”- Psalm 138:8

i was supposed to go to the beach trip tomorrow for a day with some people, and i was SUPER stoked becuase I coudllnt go for the whole trip, but the girl I was going to go down with cancelled.  talk about  bummer man.  i need something to do so I can stop thinking about how i feel like all my friends are gone.  INDIA NEEDS TO COME SOONER.